The first pornos to ever be watched by man were not drawn onto rocky outcroppings or smudged onto bark with fire ash. Instead, they played inside the human imagination. Ancient men would sit alone in the forest, fantasizing about all the horrible things they could do to their best friend's sister. Unfortunately, that was the only way to get yourself hard for tens of thousands of years. That's why you'll never catch me hopping in a time machine.

Busy Brains

Once language developed, the erotic story could be told. This supplied a far better base for guys to construct fantasy upon, but it was far from perfection. First off, you had to sit around the campfire with a dozen other dudes to hear the story. Can you conceive of the smell that a dozen cavemen with their cocks out produces? Now add the scent of dung-based lube to that, and you have the recipe for a limp penis.

The First Circle Jerk

It wasn’t until the written word came about that these stories could go from public experiences to the privacy of one's own tree fort. Now it was just you and your dick, with nothing to stop you from fapping any way you want. That's the dream if you ask me.

While it's been around for many moons, erotic literature came into its own during the Victorian era. All that public sexual restriction leads to batshit insane sex in literature. You might think erotic books would be all about showing ankles and wrists, but that was saved for polite dinners. When people read in their bedrooms, it was about fucking watertight nuggets and having anal sex with raccoons. I don't recommend fucking a raccoon in real life, but it sure is fun to read about.

The late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries were a golden age of erotic literature. It only ended when the camera was invented. Dudes are visual creatures. We can't help it. But that didn’t mean reading porn was gone forever.

For many decades, women carried the torch of smutty books. We all know the stereotype of a mother in the nineties, unhappy with her husband, getting lost in books about centaurs fucking slave girls. Did the ladies flick the bean while reading them? Some.

Women flicking the bean hadn’t become part of the national zeitgeist yet. Many had no idea that clits were a real thing, so, of course, they weren't fingering themselves. These days every woman owns a couple of sex toys.

My readers should own one, also. Do you motherfuckers really think you can make a woman orgasm with your willy alone? HA! I say! No, HAHA, I say! You'll find it difficult, if not impossible, to make a woman bust her nut, no matter what instruments you use. You are kryptonite to a woman's orgasm, but you have significantly better chances if you use a vibrator. To be fair, you have an even better chance if you use a stunt cock double. I’m available for rent, but only if the bitch is fuckable. I’m not out here doing the Lord's work for shits and giggles. I’m trying to cream pie whores.

Evolution of Smut

However, I'm not here today to chat about writers. You motherfuckers can't spell. We are here to talk about beating off to the written word. As you have come to expect, I have the perfect website for my readers if you want to beat your meat to horror porn and practice your reading comprehension skills. Literotica is an erotic literature front-runner, so it is no surprise that their horror porn department is fully stocked with everything required to sling ropes all over your fine china.

Design

Once you get to the horror page, there is no main menu, but there is an alphabet to assist your hunt for titles. Down the center of the page is tons of content. First up are all the most recent stories to be published. New shit is added every second, so make Literotica part of your daily routine. I wouldn't want you guys to miss out on anything important.

Enough Content to Make Your Head Spin

Last up, down the center of the page, is the erotic horror hall of fame. These are all the highest-rated stories to ever be published on Literotica. Some of these titles are “A Stay in the Country” (never trust rednecks), “Date with a Drifter” (If you get murdered while fucking a drifter, that's on you), “My Life as a Rat,” (Some might say that rats are just living breathing Fleshlights that wander around Nw York City subway stations) “The Hunt,” (That seems fairly self-explanatory) and “The Old King and the New Bride” (Sloppy title but as a king, I do love fucking new bitches)

Down the right side of Literotica is an assortment of navigational tools. First is a list of contest winners on the site. Literotica often holds competitions. If you write horny shit, you should get in on the action. If you’re just here to read the best of the best, this is where you find it. Under that is a list of the most recent comments made on stories. That's not something I’m particularly concerned with. Next up are popular tags. This includes such classics as Transformation, Mind Control, Demon, Bondage, Succubus, Vampire, Anal, Corruption, and Lesbian.

The second to last list is of trending stories. You can switch between trending for the day, week, or month. Finally, last up is a list of popular authors. This is a great place to start exploring Literotica.

The New Shit

Kim has a female friend she likes to study with, and sometimes the two fuck. However, little does Kim know that her friend has a cream addiction. She stopped eating regular food completely and now just lives on a diet of cream. "The cream dulls all pain." I don't know about cream, but my cum sure does.

Literotica has one of the best collections of erotic literature on the internet. I can't get enough of the stuff, especially their horror porn archives.

As I already mentioned, my only complaint about the place is the shoddy web design. It could be easily fixed with a little bit of time and love.

It's time for you fucks to break out the reading glasses and lube.