There is a question that haunts me every single waking moment of the day. I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat crying this question out to the gods. In the silent moments when I have nothing but my thoughts to keep me company, it's this question that comes to mind: Where should I cum next?

So Many Places to Cum, and So Little Time

Of course, the obvious answer is deep inside of a bitches pussy. I love this option. Inside a pussy is where evolution tells my cum it wants to be.

However, I'm a sentient human being. I am not a slave to my genetics like an antelope. I can choose where I cum. The next clear answer is in a bitches mouth. This is another fantastic option. There is nothing like sitting back and letting a dumb slut do all the heavy lifting of making me bust a nut.

I would be remiss not to bring up the asshole. Assholes everywhere would write me strongly worded letters if I skipped it out. The asshole is a perfectly reasonable and pleasurable place to dispense your seed.

That covers all the orifices, but orifices are only three things in a world of objects and body parts that a load can land on.

I've cum on most of the objects in my house at least once. I don't intend to. It just kind of ends up happening. When you fuck as often as I do, it becomes a function of probability. It's only a matter of time until everything has taken a splatter.

Don't Be a Splooge Scrooge

Cumming in a cunts face lets her know who's boss. It's not her, that's for sure. The cumee has no power in my house. It's the cummer with the infinity glove capable of slinging ropes at a moment's notice.

Unfortunately, my readers don't cum on faces, in holes, or anywhere but into a tissue, for that matter. If you want to fire off a wad on a whores eyeballs, you'll have to settle for watching it. A simulation is better than nothing at all.

As I'm sure you are already aware, there is no lack of facial content on any porn site. It's bursting from the seams like a cotton sack full of water. While that may be the case, not all facial categories are built alike. One of my favorite selections is on AlohaTube.

That's a Lot Of Porn

Despite already having nearly fifteen million videos in their archive, they still add more each day, a ton more. Last week thirty-six thousand videos found a new home on Aloha Tube. Just today, these guys have already added five thousand more, and it's not even half over.

You don't get much more straightforward web design than on Aloha tube. They don't even have a proper main menu. All there is a page listing that goes up to ten thousand and a filter to toggle the displayed videos between the top rated and most recently added.

Otherwise, the front page is a giant wall of content thumbnails. To make the site even more simple, aloha Tube does not host any of the content on their site. Instead, it links you over to the origin site of the content.

Aloha Tube sources its videos from all of the best production studios and porn sites on the internet. You'll see big names like PornHub all over the place. It's a great way to discover new porn sites you may have otherwise never found.

Loading Up on Facials

In "Sexy Black Babe Skin Diamond Gives Him Head and Enjoys a Facial," Diamond starts things off with a sensuous oral sex session that would make most men melt. Then she finished the stunt cock off with some help from a vibrating wand. I'm pretty sure this guy's eyes did a full roll in his head while he came.

B.B.F

That is why Ashley likes to bring home a black man with a hog on him every now and again to stretch her pussy out as it should be. She doesn't want her husband to feel left out, though, so she lets him sit at the end of the bed and watch her holes be ruined by a man he could never compare to. Then, to add insult to injury, Will Tiles pulled out and launched his sperm directly onto her pretty face.

Cum in the Wrinkles

What makes the bitches unique in this feature is that they aren't special. They are everyday grandmas and old bitches who still love to ride cock despite their advanced age. I hear that, sister. I plan on crushing pussy right up to my death bed. I hope to die with my cock in some bitches hole.

Since these aren't porn stars, I could only imagine what it would be like to come up on your grandma on a porn site. I don't think I would ever be the same. All the time I now dedicate to masturbating would have to be given to therapy sessions to help me deal with my PTSD.

Would I tell her? I don't think so. I might tell grandpa, though. Actually, on second thought, I wouldn't. I'd be too afraid he would show me his own porn videos.

Mixing Oil and Cum

This is precisely what happened to me while watching "Massage Oil and Facial for Kit," produced by Filthy Massage and starring Kit Mercer and Tyler Steele.

Sexy as fuck Kit Mercer is visiting her favorite massage therapist today, Tyler Steele. Tyler loves it when Kit comes because she always wears something sexy.

Today it's an entirely sheer dress so that he can see every millimeter of her body. Kit didn't just come here for a massage. She came here for a happy ending afterward. Tyler is more than happy to provide, so he gives a relaxing massage and dices up her pussy like he is making piaya.

Fucking Faye Reagan

Faye shows off all her talents in this feature, including cock sucking, deep throating, taking it doggy style, and making a man cum. This bitch has everything.

Aloha Tube skipped all of the bells and whistles and stuck to making a simple but effective porn site brimming with more porn than most towns, let alone individuals, can handle.

While I enjoy the simplicity, I do think they should add an official main menu. It doesn't have to be big. A simple content filter would be a great place to start.

If you run out of porn to watch on Aloha Tube, I don't know what to tell you. The only thing there would be to do is give you a trophy.